Hiding in the Crowd

It’s starting to feel like fall around here. Nights are definitely colder, days are pleasant and warm, and the mountains around us are turning brightly amber and gold.

We love this little town we are settling into and have started to make wider connections. We have both done a fair amount of substitute/ supply teaching and really enjoy being able to walk to and from work together. Our students seem to respond to our teaching, and some of mine even stop on the street to chat or show off on their bikes.

I wonder what it’s like to grow up and go to school in a community this small. I get it that everyone knows everyone because we had that a bit in both Rush and Craig, but it feels more intimate here. The elementary school I went to was at least 3 if not 5 times bigger than this total school population for K-12. I had my siblings in the same school with me often, only separated by a grade or so, but some of these kids have siblings, cousins, or other relatives in the building, including having parents who teach here. Some classes have as few as 5 students, the largest being maybe 10. Grades get combined for some activities and special courses.

I used the size of my school to hide, to try and be invisible, not get seen for who I was and what was happening at home. I don’t think that’s possible here. Some of the students are really open about parts of their lives, and talk about divorce and poverty, hopes for their futures being dashed by family, and a lot seem to just really need to be seen a recognised. Didi and I talked last night for awhile and agreed that the same issues and needs were probably all around us when we were in school, but with 20-30 students in a class it wasn’t as apparent. I wonder about some of my classmates who seemed so outwardly put together or had ‘great’ families. Maybe they, too, were hiding in the midst of their peers hoping no one caught on or that someone would finally see them.

I have since decided that I don’t need to or want to hide. I don’t go around telling my story to anyone who will listen, but I will share when asked or when it seems relevant to the person I’m speaking with. I hope to model that to the students and those around me. WE don’t need to hide who we are or what has happened to us, and sometimes through sharing we can help someone else feel more seen and less afraid.